First Documented Natural Child Conception by 2 Women

Zac Hanson, the “littlest Hanson of all,” is now the proud parent of a baby boy.  Her, and her wife, Kate, welcomed John Hanson, 8lbs 4 ounces on Tuesday.   The discovery will surely baffle biologists, as all we know about human procreation has now been altered.

Wait.  Zac is a guy?  I had no idea.  Huh…what a shock.

His sisters, Issac and Taylor were unavailable for comment.

Free Range Tuna:  Bringing you fresh humor that’s as good as it was in 1996!

Next week: Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton, and Woody Allen jokes.

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The Gods Must Have Cameras

The BBC has reported that a previously undiscovered, and currently uncontacted tribe has been found on the border of Brazil and Peru.

Here’s hoping they didn’t drop a Coke bottle while taking these pictures.

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That’s no Moon…that’s a Days Inn.

Sorry to be putting up so much Star Wars stuff on the site, but….OK, I’m not actually sorry.

Today’s findings are a hotel in Azerbaijan that looks an awful lot like a certain planet-killing battlestation:

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Rumors persist, that a well-placed missile, shot down the 2 meter-wide laundry chute will only make the cleaning staff very angry.

Wonder if there is a non-Imperial, unionized contractor crew handling the construction?

I will now stop making stupid references.

Also found on the interwebs is this sweet* ride:

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*note: sweet, in this instance, means “ridiculous and will guarantee you an open schedule on Friday nights.”

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TMYK–Leap Day Pt. 2

Who do we have to blame for this extra day?  Caesar, the originator of self-portrait coins, the King of Diamonds, salad dressing, and leap year:

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This being February 29 — Leap Day — today is costing you an extra day’s interest if you’re repaying a debt. On the bright side, its earning you a tiny bit more on your bank deposits.

Whom do we have to thank — or curse — for this extra day every four years? Julius Caesar and his lover, Cleopatra.

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The More You Know–Leap Day Edition

–Contrary to popular belief, most med school grads do not have to take the Hippocratic oath. But it’s probably best your doctor doesn’t believe in everything the oath entails, which includes swearing your skills on the god Apollo and promising never to share any of your medical knowledge with anyone (even patients).

–Domestic cats have thirty muscles in each ear to control the intricate movements they make.

–How can you tell snail tracks from slug tracks? While your typical garden slug leaves a continuous trail of slime in its wake, snails leaves more of a dotted line, since they move forward in an up-and-down fashion, kind of like an inchworm.

–It doesn’t matter how fresh-picked they are, coffee beans are actually tasteless until they’re roasted.

–During the reign of the Roman emperor Nero, sausages were associated with the Lupercalia festival. The early Catholic Church outlawed the Lupercalia Festival and made eating sausage a sin. For this reason, the Roman emperor Constantine banned the eating of sausages.

–Forest Gump:  David Alan Grier, Ice Cube, Dave Chappelle and John Travolta all turned down the offer to play the role of Bubba from Forrest Gump. Chevy Chase also turned down the role of playing Forrest.

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Abe Vigoda?

No, it’s the bald chimp, Cinder.

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According to the Saint Louis Zoo website:

When she was about five months old, we noticed that Cinder was losing some hair. She continued to lose her hair and in a definite pattern, first from her lower body and gradually extending up until after close to a year, Cinder was completely bald. 

Cinder has never been treated differently by her parents or foster siblings.  Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and hair is not essential quality in the eyes of our chimpanzees.  Indeed, Cinder was doted on by both parents to the point that we viewed her as spoiled.  Mollie attended to her every need and refused to go anywhere without Cinder. The two slept in the same nest for years, longer than most chimpanzee mothers and daughters.  Smoke was a playful father, ready to tickle and gently wrestle with his daughter whenever she was in the mood.

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Because you must suffer, as well

 No, it’s not animated.  My stomach is, however.

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